Picture challenge

Hi guys!

I found a draft for day 16 of the photo/picture challenge, and I have been thinking of starting up on the project again, also to get started blogging again. The posts aren't really that super long, but at least I will get to get writing again! When I did the project I didn't get to post the challenge everyday - more like every two or three days. I got to day 15, so I have 15 days or posts left, I think it going to take all from just the 15 days, up yo 45.. I might take my time..

As for next week, week 42, I will be in Dublin - so I will will make some scheduled post, so the blog won't die again. I am gone from Saturday morning to Sunday evening, and Monday my grandfather's widow (my grandfather's dead - for the slow ones) is hosting a brunch thing for the family, which I will be attending.. So I don't know if I will be posting Monday, but I hope I will get to make some posts to scheduled and then posted during the week I am in Ireland!

This week I won't be posting a lot, since I have three homework assignments I have to do.. Two have to be done by Thursday and one big one by Monday - except for the fact that my parents demand that I have it done by Friday.. Sigh. I hope I don't get stressed over this shit, it would really be shitcakes to fall back into that pattern, definitely not a thing I need in my life right now.. So let's hope I can steer clear of that - yes please!

So moving on, I have math right now, and we are just going through our latest assignment, which our teacher has handed back to us today, and I got a high score on it, so now I am zoning out of math-class and writing here.. I will start making the scheduled posts during this class, since I apparently have quite a lot of time on my hands right now. Our lessons are one and a half hour, and I think we are spending at least 20 minutes on a post-walk-through thing.. Will stop typing things that doesn't make any sense, and will start working on posts!

For the ones who have forgotten the challenges (people including me..), here it is!

Just putting it out there..

... since the human race apparently have forgotten how to treat people nicely! I don't care what religion you practise, or if you are an atheist. You. Need. To. Treat. People. Fucking. Nicely.

Damn it, human race! Pull your shit to-fucking-gether!! GOD! (yes, ironic.. haha..)

My little bird

Hi guys!

I recently found another "unofficial" song by Ed Sheeran (my darling ginger angel), one of those songs which are on YouTube, but hasn't been published on a CD. I have to admit that some of my favourite songs by the Ginger Jesus are mostly the "unofficial" ones. I love Ed's voice and his lyrics always get to me. I know how totally cliché it sounds, but that is the ways it is.

This particular song is called "Little Bird", and it always cheers me up. I haven't been listening much to Mr. Sheeran lately, but during this sort of "comeback-thing"-thing I have gotten back into the habit of tuning in on Ed's amazing voice whenever I feel a bit down. Music has a sort of healing effect on me, and some songs can change my mood like a lightning flash. This song is thoughtful and emotional, and maybe not the song you usually would use for cheering someone up, but just seem to hit the spot for me.

I know this is a short post, but I am just trying to start up blogging  again, and I have decided that I would rather start up small and easy, and then get back into the habit of writing regularly, than starting out with some huge topics I would drown in, and then not be able to write.. So therefore the small post, and a simple matter! So without further rambling and procrastination; Ed Sheeran, Little Bird!

Hope you enjoyed this, more posts are hopefully to come! ;-)

Working on a comeback

Hi guys!

I haven't been blogging for a while now, I have 8 unfinished and therefor unpublished blog-posts, which I have been writing on, but either lost interest or changed my mind about actually writing and posting them. Most of these posts have been about serious matters (or more like one specific case). I have changed my mind every time, mostly because I started writing and then ended up rambling nonsense - and then I just ditched it because it started flooding my mind with stuff I didn't need at the time.

I feel a lot better now, than I did just two weeks ago. I pulled my ass together and went to talk to the student counselor, who is now helping me to sort of submerge from the big hole I feel like I have sunken down in to lately. I have been walking around with a sort of depressed feeling, a feeling that I haven't known how to handle. I am not depressed, but I feared that I was heading in a wrong direction, so last week I went to my math teacher (because I have been especially mentally absent in this subject) and told him how I felt, and what I thought I was dealing with. I didn't know that that was what I needed, to talk to an adult that would and could actually acknowledge that fact that I wasn't feeling well, even thought I didn't know what to do myself.

From there it has actually only been going forward with my mood and how I am feeling general. As mentioned before I got to talk to the students-counselor and that also felt like a stone had fallen from my chest. I had not talked to my parents about my problems before I talked to the counselor, but he gave me that task to talk to my mother about it - which I did. It was really hard for me to actually put to words how I felt, and to explain everything to her, without sounding like I was blaming her.
We talked it over, and it was a huge relief that my parents now know how I am feeling. I feared that they would reject me if I didn't do good enough in school, and in life generally - but of course they are supportive and ready to help me in whichever case I need them!

So.. I am slowly coming back to my usual and happy self.. I even started singing in the shower again! I know it sounds weird, and you might think it strange for me to share this with you guys, but for me it is a very positive sign that things are heading in the right direction for me. Whenever I feel really happy, I have a tendency to start singing and/or humming, and I have been doing that a lot lately - to a bit annoyance for my classmates though.. ;-)
Work is in progress, and I am trying my best to fight my way back as myself, because being stuck in a hole where you honestly don't know how you are feeling from day to day, and where you feel like you are drowning even though people are trying to pull you out off the water.. Well, it's not bloody lovely! ;-)

Knowing that I have the support from so many fucking lovely people is an amazing feeling, and it just states the fact that I have some of the best people around me! I love you guys, my friends and family, this is a fucking huge thing to go through all of the sudden, and I am extremely grateful for the people who have promised me to be there as my safety-net, should I ever fall back!

As totally off topic as it is, I want to thank you guys for 12000 view, holy shit! It is still weird fr me that people would want to read what ever the fuck I write, but nevertheless I am grateful, and it makes a smile appear. So well, THANK YOU!

Blogpost coming up!

Hi guys!

I am currently writing a post, and in the progress I am listening to this lovely track:

Not much to say, just a heads up that I am actually writing something again! I'll get the post done, and get it posted asap!

See ya

Happiness and carma

Hi guys!

Ehm.. I have a little problem with myself. Or my mind and mindset, to be more exactly.. I think a lot of people can relate to this, I hope actually, and I haven't pulled my ass together to write something on the blog for 14 days (two frikkin' weeks!), so I thought I would let you all int my brain again, and explain some of the madness going on right now ;-)

Right now I must admit to the fact that I am actually quite happy and pleased with the way my life is going. I have started school again, and it has been amazing to see all of these crazy fuckers in my class again, as well as all of my friends outside of class. It has been nice to get back in the everyday-rhythm, even though everyone could use a bit more vacation - of course! I have been writing a bit with this guy - and I am really enjoying it. Yes - it is flirty. Yes - he is lovely. Let's move on, okay? ;-)

So as you can tell, I am in quite a happy place right now, I have a great time with my friends and a week-long event with the scouts are coming up, so I am really in a good place. The problem is just that.. I do not seem to be able to let myself be as happy as I actually am, because karma and I have a history of me forgetting "her" and she then fuck shit up as a sort of payback. That is kind of my fear; that if I let myself feel happy and good right now, and don't think of the consequences, karma will come and fuck me up so badly that it will fucking hurt - again.

I don't know what would happen to me, what karma would do to fuck with my life, but I am sure that it would be enough to make me crumble. With that thought akways roaming around in my head, I don't really let myself be as happy as I could be. I know I seem extremely happy and I am, I just know that I could be happier - if it wasn't for me stopping myself.

It is such a fucking cliché and I am really tired of it. I feel like beating myself up every time I think of it, because I let it (a "it" that is mostly imaginary since "karma" has never been proven or actually defined as any kind of power that actually holds power that is scientifically proven. UGH!!) control the amount of happy I allow myself to be. 

I know there are like, shitloads of small paragraphs here, but I still have more shit to spill..

So the problem is, that I am maybe not letting myself take the chances I would take otherwise, and that I might be holding back on great opportunities that passes me by. I am really grateful for this blog, it sort of works as therapy for me. I get to face my problems somehow.. I don't know if this makes any sence..?

As mentioned I am texting with this great guy, and I really want him.. And with the thought of karma I am just scared that I go and do some shit and lose him (God, sounds so dramatic..) before I have even had him. I don't know if it is ever going to be anything more that what it is.. And I am fine if it doesn't, but right now I just want him, and I want him to want me and not throw me to the trash.. I honestly have the lowest self esteem when it comes to that.. I sound really pathetic, but I don't care because this is my blog, and I can write what I want to! ;-)

So instead of being confident and cool around this.. Whatever it is.. With the boy, I feel insecure and scared that I fuck up, because I feel like I have already taken up the amount of happy I am allowed, so I destined to do something bad and fuck up. And it will hurt in some way. And I hate hurting. So I think I am restricting myself instead of letting go.. Shit man.. I need to get my shit together! ;-)

I am going to a party with some friends tomorrow, and I am sure that their company will listen my mood, if not them - not many things will. Good night, my bed is calling my name in lustful moans!