Adulthood

Soeh.. I'm now a legal adult. Don't really know how I'm feeling about that, though. As I expected, I'm not feeling much of a difference, though I do from time to time get a weird feeling when I sort of "realise" that I am, ideed, 18 years old, yeah. So now that means that I am allowed to do all the "grown-up stuff", right? Right?

 

 Fuck yes, turn that shit up - I'm an adult now, so I can do whatever I want, haha!

Joking aside, I really don't feel any different. The only new things I am allowed to do is what the law says, my parents are still keeping me on an unreasonable short leash, a thing I think they'll keep doing 'till I move out or something - which isn't going to happen the next few years, that would just be plain stupid with the plans I have.
Which then means that I can go to a bar (if it isn't one of the 21 restricted ones), I can buy hard liquor, I can vote, I can acquire a driver's license and I have to pay taxes.. So that's nice. As mentioned a thousand times by now, I don't feel any differences, but according to my friends the feeling will sort of kick in when you get your driver's license delivered, as sort of a proof that you are actually an adult.

I had a party on my birthday, that went very well! There was a lot of (loud) music playing, lights and everything! People seemed to have a great time, and I got a shitload of presents, mostly liquor, and I luckily dodged to dildo's and other weird sexual gear, that some people like to give as presents.. I have lovely friends! Well,, with everything said and done, I am actually quite happy that I don't feel so adult-y, since I love mentally being a kid, and playing around - so I really don't know if I'm up for the task of being a 100% adult yet. I know that I won't be so for some years, but it's just hard to explain. Maybe I'll try to in another post or in a video, if I'll ever actually make one, we'll see..

Music; Phantom Planet - California

I am listening to this as I am writing my next post, hopefully I'll get it posted today! Trying to finish up a school project, but there's not really anything I can do anymore, so I'm just trying to relax myself a little with some music and some writing - and then I'll hopefully not die of nerves and stress.. Heh. Short as fuck.. You'll manage ;)

Birthday

Hello once again!

My birthday is coming up, I am actually turning 18 tomorrow! Age is just a number, to some extinct, but it's still suppose to be a big deal to turn 18, which is the legal age where I live. As an eighteen-year-old, you're supposed to be an adult, but I honestly don't feel like one. Of course it isn't expected of you to just "grow up" from day to day, but most teens get new or other privileges than they used to. I have, myself slowly gotten more privileges over the last few years, so it isn't going to be a waterfall of new things I am allowed to do.

I am not exactly the youngest in my class, but a lot of people already have their drivers licence, which is also a thing that comes along with turning 18, you are allowed to take "classes" to acquire a drivers licence, and I am working on it myself. I am really looking forward to being allowed to drive a car, and learning how to drive well, along with the fact that then I might be able switch it up a bit from the scooter, which goes tops 30km/h.. So I am certainly looking forward to that aspect of the entire "growing up" thing. 

One of my dear brothers really is a man-child, in the best way possible. He is 15 years older than me, which will be 32, and then 33 in December. Him and I like to do things together, like go to the cinema and see that new action movie, or go drive crossers and stuff like that. I hope to be an adult like that, being able to disconnect once in a while and go child-out, also because I think I'll need that in my adult life, since I'm not really the most mature being on this planet.

I do for some reason have a bit of a hard time picturing myself as someone who makes important decisions, and do adult stuff - I just don't think that my brain has adjusted to the idea of being an adult, which I legally am in about 15 hours.. Yikes.. My dear mother says that I'll adjust to it, and that she has faith in me, so that's what I am clinging onto right now, and hoping that she's right!

I am going to celebrate my birthday with a party tomorrow, and I am looking forward to seeing a lot of people, have fun, dance and yes - drink with them. The strange thing about this, is that I haven't really been very excited about turning 18, or the party before today. Right now I am totally ecstatic about the party, and having fun with my friends, the "turning 18" part still isn't really facing me, don't really know if it is a good, bad or neutral thing.. Guess I'll take it as it comes.

For now I'll go to where the party is being held and make ready with some tables and chairs, and then I'll have to see when I can pull my ass together to get a new blog post written, bye for now :)

Acquiring a boyfriend

Hi there.. strangers

I apparently died and went to Mallorca, came back, guilt-tripped about my blog, ignored the feeling and forgot about it, started school after a weeks vacation, and here I am again, then - trying to write stuff. It really mostly is stuff - I don't really do a lot of productive things these days, I just pay attention to my basic needs, play Sims3 and spend time off with my boyfriend. Which is what I am going to write about this time, since I feel like explaining myself. This will hopefully not be too sappy, since that will make people (including me) puke.

Okay, so - I acquired myself a boyfriend, he's name is Marcel. It's a French name, but there is not a single drop of French blood in his family, it's a bit funny. By yesterday, I have been together with him for 2 months, with means that 24th of February was the day we got our asses of the couch, and actually, officially became a couple by title. The thing is, we had been "together" for some weeks, where we were acting like a couple, when we were alone, but what we had wasn't categorized in any way - we were just enjoying each other's company (among other things *wink wink*).

Our first kiss was at a party at our high school. We were drunk, the music was playing, I wanted to dance, and Marcel was the only one who wanted to go with me, all the others had just started a drink, or were "too tired". So on the dance floor we went, and as we started dancing, we moved closer together and eventually kissed. Cliché as fuck, I know. Marcel and I had ahead of that arranged that I would crash at his place after the party, so afterwards we just went home to his place, and crashed in his bed.

Not much happened after that, a few weeks went by with just a few pecks and kisses in the hidden, when we had our "homework dates". We kept whatever little thing we had, hidden - I think it was mostly the fact that we didn't want any drama in our class, since we go to the same class, and that we liked to just be the two of us. A part of "coming out" as a couple in our class would mean that we had to deal with Marcel's ex-girlfriend. When Marcel and I started whatever it was we had, him and Kamilla, which is what she's called, had been broken up (can you say that? I don't know, but now I'll just use it.) for about 9 months. I didn't know how she would take it all, so that was what I was a bit nervous about, and then I just didn't feel like having to deal with the attention from some of the people in our class.

We had needed to tell two or three of our friends that Marcel and I were messing around, because they spotted a hickey I made on Marcel.. Ooops.. Aside from them (and my best friend), Kamilla was the first person we told. Well, I took her aside, and sat down with her and told her what was up. She seemed okay with it at the time, which chilled me quite a lot. Luckily, when we made our relationship "facebook official" (ew, sounds so tacky... haha, love it), there wasn't the big fuss about it, people congratulated us asked a few questions, and that was really it. 

Since then we have been the class' couple, and in the start there was a bit of focus on us, and some stared when we kissed during recess, or hugged and couply stuff like that, but it's not that bad by now, and to be honest we don't really care. There has been a few deathstares and mean looks from.. certain.. people, and it has bothered me a bit, but I am getting better at just ignoring it! 

In the start I was very worried that I would be seen as a "thief", as in stealing Marcel from Kamilla - but it was actually a friend of mine's mother who told me to pull myself together, and that when they broke up so long time ago so "(girl) she could've been both pregnant and have given birth in the time she wasn't with him", so I have stopped caring about it all together.

Things are basically going great, and we have quite some stuff planned, concerts, weekends, a festival, a trip to London.. It is great! I know some of the things are way ahead, but I am planning on stating with this guys for as long as ever possible. I know I'm only 17, but I believe in this, and it almost scares me that I can actually see myself getting married and living with him. It's weird, but it feels like a good weird, so I am just extremely excited to see whatever comes next, because I love this guys with all my heart and soul, and it's just.. lovely!

Cheers

 

Secrets

One of the hardest things ever, for some poeple; keeping secrets.

I have always been sort of a "safe" when it comes to secrets,  I have been a shoulder to try on, to rely on and someone people can confess to,  I have basically been keeping other people's secrets for years. Of course it has been hard from time to time, but  I have never let out a secret, never told on anyone or judged someone for their secret. It sounds quite sacred, and I feel like I am just being an angel, but it is just important for me, because I feel like everybody should have a friend to trust in like that, knowing that whatever they tell them, it won't be told to anyone else, and you won't be judged.

There has been many years where I have had secrets that I have never told anyone. Things that had been so embarrassing or so dark/bad that I didn't feel like I could tell anyone. I have had things that I had a hard time telling my own mother, and I feel like your mother should be the one person in the entire world who you should always be able to talk to, and to confess in. But I just didn't feel like that, and all the things I couldn't tell anyone, I wrote down in diaries and hid away, when I'd gotten the secrets off my chest. I have later burnt some of those, it seems quite dramatic and dramaqueen-ish, I know, but it had just felt like a good way to "cleanse" it out, because the things I held as secrets didn't affect me anymore.

In my opinion, being trusted with a secret is one of the biggest things in a friendship. It shows that someone trusts you, and is willing to put their trust in you. Therefore it is one of the biggest fouls to let out a friend's secret. You let them down in one of the worst way possible, you misuse their trust - and trust is not something easily rebuild.
Trusting someone with a secret of yours can often be hard. Depending on how big the secret is, it can be as much of a relief as a burden, to know that somebody knows your secret too. If your trust has been broken before, sharing a secret can be hell, but if you're carrying around a secret it can still be nice to tell someone, and get it off your chest.

For me, it has been important to have someone to rely on, especially the last half year. I didn't feel well, and I didn't feel like I could tell anyone why, because I felt I would bother them with my blabbering. I didn't get better when I just went around with my secrets myself, but when I found out I could actually tell someone about how I felt, and not bother them - I started getting better by the day. Does that make sense? I don't know, but it does to me, and it was vital for my "healing" process that I had someone I felt I could trust, and tell my secrets.

This post went a little off tracks.. But the reason I started it was actually because I felt like I had a secret I had a hard time keeping, the fact that I have a boyfriend. Tadaaa.. I will tell a bit more of how that came to happen in another post, because it seems like one of those things you just think won't happen... Me. Getting a boyfriend. Yeah.. More about that later - I think :)

Picture: Austria

Hi guys!

I haven't died, I went to Austria for a week, where I didn't have wifi, and therefore couldn't blog anything, I'm all fine, I didn't manage to break anything. I took a selfie on top of one of the mountains, and it turned out pretty good, despite the fact that I couldn't see a bloody think because the sun was shining, on a rare occasion. I will make a post telling a bit more about my holiday, if you like it or not, but for now; here's the picture I took:

Anniversary - sort of

Hi there!

Soooo.. I just realised that I have had this blog for over a year. I have blabbering about my everyday life, how I felt about it, and even stuff with no relevance for anything - for over a year. I can't really claim that it has been a regular thing, sometimes I've posted stuff as if my life depended on it, and at other times it has been one post every two or three weeks, just because I didn't feel like writing anything, or if I have felt like I didn't have anything constructive to write about.

I can honestly say that the weirdest part of having this blog, has been the fact that some of my friends are reading along. I have shared the link to the blog with a few people, myself, and sometimes I have been wondering if it was even a very good idea, but I haven't regretted it. There was a time where I felt awful but honestly didn't know if I wanted to tell, but from the small "hints", so to say, I kind of gave away in some of my posts, my friends picked up on it, and helped me to kick my ass into action to get better - which I did.

This has been my own little place where I could say whatever I felt like. I could tell the world how fed up I am with something, and no one could dictate what I was going to say or how. It is really underrated to have a place where you can just blast out what is in your mind, even if you just want to make a post about nothing but how weird you think doves are, or this party you went to, this cock-face from work or school - or if you feel like writing about something that has held you down.

And for me, the best part of that is; it doesn't matter if people think it's bad, it is exactly what you want to post on your own god damn blog!

I know I wrote before that the weirdest thing was having my friends reading everything I write.. But thinking more about it, the craziest part of all of this is you guys.. I do apparently have readers from all over the freaking world!! All from the US, Peru, Chile, Greece, Estonia, Russia, Saudi Arabia, China, New Zealand, The Fillipines, Hawaii - it's crazy man!! 

I did never ever expect my blog to be this worldwide.. Sure, I write in English, but I didn't even dare to dream that so many different people would see my blog. It baffles me every time. And what is my biggest question is; how the hell did you guys find me?! I really want to know, but my question remains unanswered.

Now, a thing that I want to make a small comment on; the whole "Jenny chainletter" thing. When you search for the key words you are "told" to searh, in the stupid "letter", my blog with the post I made about it, comes up in the first page in google, and I have no idea how that happened.. How it actually got to the first page is a mystery to me, but I have apparently helped out some people with the "slaughter" of the chainletter, which makes me happy, so all is good!

I felt like I should've done something very special to celebrate the fact that I've had this blog for over a year now.. But I don't know what I should do? Something crazy? Should I bake a cake? I have no idea, but I feel like celebrating! 

For now I will just go to bed though.. It is late, and I need to get up in the early morning, but I just felt like I had to write something, since it's both a long time since last, and that I feel a bit ashamed that I hadn't noticed the "milestone" before now.. But I am off to bed, and I might come up with some idea as to how I should celebrate this?

Goodnight all y'all (couldn't help it..heh)!