Secrets

One of the hardest things ever, for some poeple; keeping secrets.

I have always been sort of a "safe" when it comes to secrets,  I have been a shoulder to try on, to rely on and someone people can confess to,  I have basically been keeping other people's secrets for years. Of course it has been hard from time to time, but  I have never let out a secret, never told on anyone or judged someone for their secret. It sounds quite sacred, and I feel like I am just being an angel, but it is just important for me, because I feel like everybody should have a friend to trust in like that, knowing that whatever they tell them, it won't be told to anyone else, and you won't be judged.

There has been many years where I have had secrets that I have never told anyone. Things that had been so embarrassing or so dark/bad that I didn't feel like I could tell anyone. I have had things that I had a hard time telling my own mother, and I feel like your mother should be the one person in the entire world who you should always be able to talk to, and to confess in. But I just didn't feel like that, and all the things I couldn't tell anyone, I wrote down in diaries and hid away, when I'd gotten the secrets off my chest. I have later burnt some of those, it seems quite dramatic and dramaqueen-ish, I know, but it had just felt like a good way to "cleanse" it out, because the things I held as secrets didn't affect me anymore.

In my opinion, being trusted with a secret is one of the biggest things in a friendship. It shows that someone trusts you, and is willing to put their trust in you. Therefore it is one of the biggest fouls to let out a friend's secret. You let them down in one of the worst way possible, you misuse their trust - and trust is not something easily rebuild.
Trusting someone with a secret of yours can often be hard. Depending on how big the secret is, it can be as much of a relief as a burden, to know that somebody knows your secret too. If your trust has been broken before, sharing a secret can be hell, but if you're carrying around a secret it can still be nice to tell someone, and get it off your chest.

For me, it has been important to have someone to rely on, especially the last half year. I didn't feel well, and I didn't feel like I could tell anyone why, because I felt I would bother them with my blabbering. I didn't get better when I just went around with my secrets myself, but when I found out I could actually tell someone about how I felt, and not bother them - I started getting better by the day. Does that make sense? I don't know, but it does to me, and it was vital for my "healing" process that I had someone I felt I could trust, and tell my secrets.

This post went a little off tracks.. But the reason I started it was actually because I felt like I had a secret I had a hard time keeping, the fact that I have a boyfriend. Tadaaa.. I will tell a bit more of how that came to happen in another post, because it seems like one of those things you just think won't happen... Me. Getting a boyfriend. Yeah.. More about that later - I think :)