Acquiring a boyfriend

Hi there.. strangers

I apparently died and went to Mallorca, came back, guilt-tripped about my blog, ignored the feeling and forgot about it, started school after a weeks vacation, and here I am again, then - trying to write stuff. It really mostly is stuff - I don't really do a lot of productive things these days, I just pay attention to my basic needs, play Sims3 and spend time off with my boyfriend. Which is what I am going to write about this time, since I feel like explaining myself. This will hopefully not be too sappy, since that will make people (including me) puke.

Okay, so - I acquired myself a boyfriend, he's name is Marcel. It's a French name, but there is not a single drop of French blood in his family, it's a bit funny. By yesterday, I have been together with him for 2 months, with means that 24th of February was the day we got our asses of the couch, and actually, officially became a couple by title. The thing is, we had been "together" for some weeks, where we were acting like a couple, when we were alone, but what we had wasn't categorized in any way - we were just enjoying each other's company (among other things *wink wink*).

Our first kiss was at a party at our high school. We were drunk, the music was playing, I wanted to dance, and Marcel was the only one who wanted to go with me, all the others had just started a drink, or were "too tired". So on the dance floor we went, and as we started dancing, we moved closer together and eventually kissed. Cliché as fuck, I know. Marcel and I had ahead of that arranged that I would crash at his place after the party, so afterwards we just went home to his place, and crashed in his bed.

Not much happened after that, a few weeks went by with just a few pecks and kisses in the hidden, when we had our "homework dates". We kept whatever little thing we had, hidden - I think it was mostly the fact that we didn't want any drama in our class, since we go to the same class, and that we liked to just be the two of us. A part of "coming out" as a couple in our class would mean that we had to deal with Marcel's ex-girlfriend. When Marcel and I started whatever it was we had, him and Kamilla, which is what she's called, had been broken up (can you say that? I don't know, but now I'll just use it.) for about 9 months. I didn't know how she would take it all, so that was what I was a bit nervous about, and then I just didn't feel like having to deal with the attention from some of the people in our class.

We had needed to tell two or three of our friends that Marcel and I were messing around, because they spotted a hickey I made on Marcel.. Ooops.. Aside from them (and my best friend), Kamilla was the first person we told. Well, I took her aside, and sat down with her and told her what was up. She seemed okay with it at the time, which chilled me quite a lot. Luckily, when we made our relationship "facebook official" (ew, sounds so tacky... haha, love it), there wasn't the big fuss about it, people congratulated us asked a few questions, and that was really it. 

Since then we have been the class' couple, and in the start there was a bit of focus on us, and some stared when we kissed during recess, or hugged and couply stuff like that, but it's not that bad by now, and to be honest we don't really care. There has been a few deathstares and mean looks from.. certain.. people, and it has bothered me a bit, but I am getting better at just ignoring it! 

In the start I was very worried that I would be seen as a "thief", as in stealing Marcel from Kamilla - but it was actually a friend of mine's mother who told me to pull myself together, and that when they broke up so long time ago so "(girl) she could've been both pregnant and have given birth in the time she wasn't with him", so I have stopped caring about it all together.

Things are basically going great, and we have quite some stuff planned, concerts, weekends, a festival, a trip to London.. It is great! I know some of the things are way ahead, but I am planning on stating with this guys for as long as ever possible. I know I'm only 17, but I believe in this, and it almost scares me that I can actually see myself getting married and living with him. It's weird, but it feels like a good weird, so I am just extremely excited to see whatever comes next, because I love this guys with all my heart and soul, and it's just.. lovely!

Cheers

 

Secrets

One of the hardest things ever, for some poeple; keeping secrets.

I have always been sort of a "safe" when it comes to secrets,  I have been a shoulder to try on, to rely on and someone people can confess to,  I have basically been keeping other people's secrets for years. Of course it has been hard from time to time, but  I have never let out a secret, never told on anyone or judged someone for their secret. It sounds quite sacred, and I feel like I am just being an angel, but it is just important for me, because I feel like everybody should have a friend to trust in like that, knowing that whatever they tell them, it won't be told to anyone else, and you won't be judged.

There has been many years where I have had secrets that I have never told anyone. Things that had been so embarrassing or so dark/bad that I didn't feel like I could tell anyone. I have had things that I had a hard time telling my own mother, and I feel like your mother should be the one person in the entire world who you should always be able to talk to, and to confess in. But I just didn't feel like that, and all the things I couldn't tell anyone, I wrote down in diaries and hid away, when I'd gotten the secrets off my chest. I have later burnt some of those, it seems quite dramatic and dramaqueen-ish, I know, but it had just felt like a good way to "cleanse" it out, because the things I held as secrets didn't affect me anymore.

In my opinion, being trusted with a secret is one of the biggest things in a friendship. It shows that someone trusts you, and is willing to put their trust in you. Therefore it is one of the biggest fouls to let out a friend's secret. You let them down in one of the worst way possible, you misuse their trust - and trust is not something easily rebuild.
Trusting someone with a secret of yours can often be hard. Depending on how big the secret is, it can be as much of a relief as a burden, to know that somebody knows your secret too. If your trust has been broken before, sharing a secret can be hell, but if you're carrying around a secret it can still be nice to tell someone, and get it off your chest.

For me, it has been important to have someone to rely on, especially the last half year. I didn't feel well, and I didn't feel like I could tell anyone why, because I felt I would bother them with my blabbering. I didn't get better when I just went around with my secrets myself, but when I found out I could actually tell someone about how I felt, and not bother them - I started getting better by the day. Does that make sense? I don't know, but it does to me, and it was vital for my "healing" process that I had someone I felt I could trust, and tell my secrets.

This post went a little off tracks.. But the reason I started it was actually because I felt like I had a secret I had a hard time keeping, the fact that I have a boyfriend. Tadaaa.. I will tell a bit more of how that came to happen in another post, because it seems like one of those things you just think won't happen... Me. Getting a boyfriend. Yeah.. More about that later - I think :)

Picture: Austria

Hi guys!

I haven't died, I went to Austria for a week, where I didn't have wifi, and therefore couldn't blog anything, I'm all fine, I didn't manage to break anything. I took a selfie on top of one of the mountains, and it turned out pretty good, despite the fact that I couldn't see a bloody think because the sun was shining, on a rare occasion. I will make a post telling a bit more about my holiday, if you like it or not, but for now; here's the picture I took:

Anniversary - sort of

Hi there!

Soooo.. I just realised that I have had this blog for over a year. I have blabbering about my everyday life, how I felt about it, and even stuff with no relevance for anything - for over a year. I can't really claim that it has been a regular thing, sometimes I've posted stuff as if my life depended on it, and at other times it has been one post every two or three weeks, just because I didn't feel like writing anything, or if I have felt like I didn't have anything constructive to write about.

I can honestly say that the weirdest part of having this blog, has been the fact that some of my friends are reading along. I have shared the link to the blog with a few people, myself, and sometimes I have been wondering if it was even a very good idea, but I haven't regretted it. There was a time where I felt awful but honestly didn't know if I wanted to tell, but from the small "hints", so to say, I kind of gave away in some of my posts, my friends picked up on it, and helped me to kick my ass into action to get better - which I did.

This has been my own little place where I could say whatever I felt like. I could tell the world how fed up I am with something, and no one could dictate what I was going to say or how. It is really underrated to have a place where you can just blast out what is in your mind, even if you just want to make a post about nothing but how weird you think doves are, or this party you went to, this cock-face from work or school - or if you feel like writing about something that has held you down.

And for me, the best part of that is; it doesn't matter if people think it's bad, it is exactly what you want to post on your own god damn blog!

I know I wrote before that the weirdest thing was having my friends reading everything I write.. But thinking more about it, the craziest part of all of this is you guys.. I do apparently have readers from all over the freaking world!! All from the US, Peru, Chile, Greece, Estonia, Russia, Saudi Arabia, China, New Zealand, The Fillipines, Hawaii - it's crazy man!! 

I did never ever expect my blog to be this worldwide.. Sure, I write in English, but I didn't even dare to dream that so many different people would see my blog. It baffles me every time. And what is my biggest question is; how the hell did you guys find me?! I really want to know, but my question remains unanswered.

Now, a thing that I want to make a small comment on; the whole "Jenny chainletter" thing. When you search for the key words you are "told" to searh, in the stupid "letter", my blog with the post I made about it, comes up in the first page in google, and I have no idea how that happened.. How it actually got to the first page is a mystery to me, but I have apparently helped out some people with the "slaughter" of the chainletter, which makes me happy, so all is good!

I felt like I should've done something very special to celebrate the fact that I've had this blog for over a year now.. But I don't know what I should do? Something crazy? Should I bake a cake? I have no idea, but I feel like celebrating! 

For now I will just go to bed though.. It is late, and I need to get up in the early morning, but I just felt like I had to write something, since it's both a long time since last, and that I feel a bit ashamed that I hadn't noticed the "milestone" before now.. But I am off to bed, and I might come up with some idea as to how I should celebrate this?

Goodnight all y'all (couldn't help it..heh)!

Cliffs of Moher

This is a picture I just found on my computer, from the Ireland trip, where we one of the days took a trip to the Cliffs of Moher, and it was an amazing place - I am so glad we went there! The nature was amazing, and even though I went around with a more of less constant fear of falling down directly to my death, it was one of the most beautiful places I've seen! And when the sun came out a little after, it all just added to the beauty, and there was even a rainbow out over the water.

We were standing at the cliffs, and therefor at a point where the next land you'd meet, going further West, would be the US. Of course there's the Aran Islands, but the point were at, the US would be the next land. I have always thought that is is an amazing feeling to look out at the ocean, and just see nothing but water, as long as the eye can see. I'd love to go there again sometime.

Socializing and alcohol

Hi guys!

I'm honestly unsure of what this post is 100% going to be about, and what the title is going to be, but I'll figure out along the way as I get into the writing. I have different suggestions for the title, but I don't really know what will be fitting yet.. I'll get to the writing, and then we'll see what fits.

There is a tendency among some teenagers, that the only way of being socially together in larger groups, are at parties or other occasions where you get drunk. Being drunk is a apparently a condition for meeting new people and bond with ones you don't really know already. I have been told by a guy who holds this opinion; "it is just easier to get to know people when your guards are down, and you are open to new people, experiences and ideas".

I get why some people feel like they need alcohol to be able to open up to new people (I'll come back to that later), but you can call me old-fashioned - I don't understand why you would think that you can't socialize without alcohol in your system. Yes, alcohol can make you relax a bit, and help you break down some of your own walls, but you should really be able to do this completely sober as well.

In the weekend my class had planned a delayed "Christmas dinner-party-thing", and the school had held a party the day before, so everyone was quite smashed. A few of us turned up earlier than the rest to cook, and the mood was quite cozy, all we were drinking was sodas. At the "dinner" (sounds to fancy for what it really was, it was just tacos), a few people drank a beer or two, but most, again, drank soda or water. The night slightly evolved into a game night (as in board games, listening to music and eating crisps and candy), instead of a party - and I honestly think that it was one of the nicest times I've ever had with my class.

I think that a lot of young people today start partying way too early - which might be a topic all to itself - and they then "grow up" with the norm that you have to get drunk to have fun, or to meet new people. Of course this doesn't apply to all teenagers, and I might step over some toes here, but this is my opinion! You can easily have fun without alcohol, and I was so pleasantly surprised that our class was able to "function" with each other at an arrangement where you went willingly, and everybody was included.

Is this posts messed up yet, because it is already kind of messed up in my head. My point with this post is that I think the the young teenagers should learn that fun doesn't always involve alcohol, and that alcohol most certainly doesn't always include fun. The fact that some people believe that socialization can only really happen at an intoxicated state, is damaging for some people's ability to evolve the ability to socialize, later in life, which honestly is just sad.

 I really don't think that you should base your friendships solely on how people have acted drunk, cause you might think that you see "the true nature of someone" when you meet them drunk - but the majority of people change, if only a little, when they get drunk. Some people get aggressive, some get very emotional and others (the more pleasant company, according to my opinion) just get very happy and joyful to be around.

Again, I think this post has gotten very weird, but just hold on a bit longer, if you mind.
I see the point that if you feel socially awkward and shy, alcohol might help you meeting new people because you'll feel less shy and awkward around these guys and gals. For some people it might seem like the only option, to get a little tipsy - but you might change, and even the slightest change can be too strange for some people, maybe for some of the guys and girls you've befriended. All according to how much you drink, and how you might change - some people might no recognize the sober you, and might not want to be friends with the person you really are.

You can easily have fun without involving alcohol, but if you really don't think otherwise, just be flippin' careful, okay? Thanks. Cheers (so to say..)

Picture from Ireland

Helene took this picture right after we landed in Ireland, and were heading to get our luggage. Everything written down was in Gaelic as the first language, and then "translated" into "normal" English underneath. It was quite confusing in the start, and we had NO idea how to pronounce any of the things, it was really strange. We eventually figured out a few words, and what they meant - but the Gaelic language just sounds so complex and hard to learn - but that is probably the way everyone thinks about a new language.

We learned from some of the people we met, that the Gaelic language is getting more and more popular in Ireland, that the children in school now have it as a subject, and that the young adults are more and more interested in learning the language. I would love to have two national languages, but if you've ever heard Gaelic.. I hope that isn't the only language they are going to speak (of course not, but imagine..)

Just found the picture, and thought I'd add a little text, even though the trip to Ireland was quite some time ago.. :-)