In bed

Hi guys!

Right now I am laying in bed, and feeling like crap, which is really crap because I want to (and need) to go to school! The others in my class are right now having physics, and that is a subject that I really need to keep up in, since I have never felt physics has been my strong side. But instead of sitting in the classroom and being able to pay attention to what our teacher is saying, I am laying here - at home, in bed, barely able to make a grunting sound without my whole body aching.. It sucks!

I am kind of mad at myself for feeling like this, even though it isn't logical at all (but most of the things I do hardly are..), since I can't really do anything about it aside from laying as still as possible and waiting for the pain to go the fuck away. "But you are writing right now, shouldn't you be laying still?!".. I am laying still, but I am one of those people who can't just lay in bed and do nothing, it drives me absolutely mad!

So instead of going mad, I decided that some self-pity in the form of a complaining blog post would do the trick, and luckily for myself and my surroundings, it is! I am quite a weird person on my own, and if it was to get any worse, I think the world would collapse, as if you divided everything with zero (never do that!!). I am trying to turn down the self pity down a bit, I don't know how it is going? All I know is that I want to be in fucking school, not home and sick in bed!

Self pity took over again.. Sigh! I have had three days (today included) where I have just felt like shit about 70% of the time. One of the reasons that I hate being sick like this, is that I struggle to keep smiling and being happy when my body is working against me this much. I love laughing, being silly and making other people laugh, (and this is another sign that I might not be a totally normal human being...) so when I can't really do any of those things, I feel kind of depressed. It is like my brain is so used to all the endorphins being released by my brain every day, so when they aren't because I'm not laughing as much, I turn into a moody bitch - and I hate that!

So, so far this contains self pity, a little anger towards myself and some science-ish stuff. If you don't know what endorphins are I am sure that a quick google search will help you, because I doubt that I can explain it very well. I feel a little bit better, so I think my medication and the painkillers are starting to kick in, and hopefully I can go to school soon! Success!