Lately I have been having these super annoying (and confusing as he'll, to be honest) mood swings.. It annoys the crap out of me that my mood, without ant sort of "warning", just changes 180 degrees. It works both the good and the "bad" way around. I can go around and be a thundercloud ready to strike someone with my lightning, and then the smallest thing can cheer me up.
On the other half, I can be rainbows, butterflies and puppies - and then the slightest little element of annoyance will send me straight down in the deepest dungeons. Again, I have honestly no idea where this comes from (aside from the fact that I know it is my brain that is being a complete douchebag and realising extremely many mood controlling hormones....), and it frustrates me beyond belief that I don't know how to "fix" this!
If it was PMS or something like that, it would be easier to understand, and to handle - but it isn't, and even if it was, I never experience the "bitch time", as some of my male friends call it, I never have mood swings like this, I just die in a lot of pain - that's all.. This is might getting a little too private for some of you to handle, but you'll just have to handle it - I do ;-)
There are few thing I actually HATE in my life. One of the few things are being controlled by my body. I will try not to sound too bitchy here, but I am usually pretty good at controlling/handling (call it what you want) my body, even if I am in pain or am extremely uncomfortable. I "blame" (couldn't find the right word for this, because it isn't really a bad thing?) these skills on my somewhat ability to act. In drama you usually use a lot of body language, and you also learn to control your body quite well.
Being used to be in control of my body (and somewhat my mood, or at least camouflaging bad mood) also sort of triggers bad mood right now, because I get upset with myself when I can't control it like I am used to. I have told my parents that I am feeling on the edge right now, and that I quite easily gets upset and even angry, so that they know it is nothing personal. I hate being like this because I turn into somewhat a monster when I get really angry, and I just.... I hate it!
This is turning into something quite pathetic, but I just needed to get this off my chest, even if it is to some strangers on my blog - but that is what is here for, right? ;-) Today I "planning" on having a happy day, I have an amazing friend coming over in the afternoon, and tonight I am going to have a VHS (you know, the things with video on them, before the DVD's? Yeah, them!) marathon with two of my good friends, and we are going to watch all of our favourite childhood movies, it is going to be great!
Mood swings sucks balls! See ya!
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